Yeah, I’m Over It.

just leaving this here. *this is a part of my healing*

Go ahead and put that album on, Start at Throw it Away though and just let it play. For those of you who aren’t hip, praying for you, Summer Walker dropped an album about 2 years ago called “Still Over It” and indeed that’s how I’m feeling. Tune in :)

Now, I wouldn’t say all of it is my fault, no. Do I play a part? Absolutely. Answer me this though, what makes you think I want to be treated that way? What actions of mine gave you the green light to play with me?

I truly don’t understand the logic behind the dating world right now. I’m going to toot my own horn for several reasons. My platform, what I say goes. If you disagree, take that up with God cause I already did and he said “Go for it baby girl.” I think anyone who knows me, whether it’s on a surface level or deeper, can say a few things positive about me that would lead you to believe that I am a good person. Getting older has helped me fine-tune what it means to me to be a good person. Being authentic to myself, loving those parts of me that go unloved, giving love in ways I don’t ask for it back, being reliable, loyal, honest, respecting boundaries, etc. are all things I feel I do pretty well. Just so you know, I pulled a majority of what I just said from conversations that have happened between myself and multiple… the reason I’m writing now lmfao let the shitshow begin…. I understand that being a good person doesn’t just automatically mean everything is just going to be fine and dandy for you. Trust me, ya girl has been THROUGH it. But one thing I can say is, I don’t put myself in places to be treated the way I do. I go to work, church and home, in that order. I'm minding my business seriously. So how in the hell do I continue to find myself questioning what it is that’s going on in my love life? Why do I find myself dealing with these extremely unavailable (mentally and emotionally chile. they always easy to find physically) men who mask themselves as, “the good one”. I ask for honesty and it turns into trying to solve a Rubix cube. How hard is it for you to simply just be honest and communicate? I really need our generation to work on getting comfortable speaking up. We do it in literally every other aspect of our lives EXCEPT for when it’s time to communicate with someone who you’ve been stringing along for God knows how long. Does that feel good to you? Does the shift in energy during these inconsistent “talking” stages not bother you?

It’s very sad that unless the conversation is focused on what you can offer someone, you’re pretty much SOL yes, shit outta luck. I don’t want to share details or go into it but it’s honestly very hurtful when people don’t understand how their actions affect others. Being in a place where you’ve found yourself in a comfortable, consistent what you think is healthy lol relationship with someone that suddenly takes a turn for the worst, HURTS, no matter what capacity it’s in! I think what gets me in these situations is the level of vulnerability that is shown throughout the course of time spent with someone else, on both sides. I feel like if you know, I don’t have to say too much… I just can’t seem to understand why it’s so hard to just be real. I hate that social media has skewed the very simple concept of Love and made it something that’s so complex and disheartening. Constant Bullshit is currently playing. Exactly. I have my faith in it though. I know based on how the rest of my life has been moving lately, it’s only going up. Like I told my CF on IG last night, I can’t miss my blessing because I’m stuck on how someone chose to treat me. Your loss baby (if it felt personal, it was. Taking notes from Prime). I am proud of myself for handling the ending of certain phases well, and even giving grace to myself for the times I found myself acting in ways that weren’t like me to please the other person. We’ve all been there. To that other person, one last question. Why did it take you losing me to realize I was in fact everything you told me I was? You don’t believe the very words that came out of YOUR MOUTH? Praying for you!

Last night I said I was going to write “A Love Letter to Love” but as I typed this, I realized in fact it’s not that. I am not in the place to do that. I don’t have the words to say to address love in the way it should be. Me shitting on the very thing I base my entire being on does nothing for me. It does exactly what I hate the most which is add to it losing it’s actual meaning. It will happen. It will make sense one day, I know. I’ll say it now, I’m grateful for the ups and downs, the challenges. I’ve been able to figure out what it is I truly like and don’t like. I’ve switched my thoughts from believing I will find my “perfect person” to understanding TRULY that no one is perfect and that’s fine. I don’t want perfect. I want someone who is always striving to be the best version of themselves because that’s what I’m doing, every day. There’s no reason to want perfection when constantly becoming better every day brings so much more joy. Alright, enough ranting. I went to multiple places today.

I always like to end with a quote and today’s is one I see everywhere so I don’t know who originally said it BUT!! It still has so much meaning behind it.

“Don’t let someone who isn’t worth your love make you forget how much you are worth.”