Work in Progress Pt. 5; Transitioning.

Wow. I was inspired by watching De’arra Taylor’s most recent vlog on YouTube to write about this. I didn’t realize until I was midway through the video with tears in my eyes that I’m going through this phase of learning a NEW way of living. So let’s talk about it, shall we? (I’ll tie De’arra back in at some point, I promise.)

Sunday, if you read sunday’s post 😭, but no judgment seriously you could probably feel that I’ve been in a funk lately, huh? LMAO. Anyways, I haven't been able to get any type of clarity as to what’s going on. I tried it all, all of my techniques I went over in therapy two weeks ago about what to do if I happen to find myself in a hole. The last thing I did was read my book. If you’re new here, this is referring to a short autobio I mentioned in part 4 that my therapist gave me to read when I find myself stuck. I didn't relate to any chapters. So I thought. I’m sitting here looking at the paper now, in awe because I was so stuck in one way of thinking stuck in the past that I didn’t understand I’m clearly in chapter 5. I’m walking down another street. Now, to some that might not matter but to the ones who know… The storm is over. I have finally accepted the fact that I can let go of bracing myself for impact. I’m not dealing with ticking time bombs anymore. I’ve fought hard and won the hardest battle of the war. I can admit that even with all of the great things that have been happening in my life recently, I’ve just been sitting on the edge of my mental seat waiting for everything to explode. Waiting for this good feeling to go away.

The process of transitioning into a new phase of life is draining. I wish I could remember where I heard this but someone said (not word for word), “if you thought the healing was hard, wait until you’re dealing with your new life.” and oh my. Now that I am completely aware and open to accepting the fact that I am in a transitioning phase and that it’s completely okay to be feeling the way I have been, a weight feels like it's been lifted off of my shoulders. This happened through De’arra’s video this morning. For those who don’t know, De’arra is a famous YouTuber who was known for her infamous channel with her ex-fiance, Ken. Not speaking as if I know all of the facts but long story short, they’re no longer together and have now created separate channels. There are a few reasons I was so emotionally invested in this video. I have been a DK4L fan since I was in High School because it’s always been nice to see two young black people, in love, doing things they want to do and vlog it. De’arra is such a character in the best way and I absolutely love her energy. I know y’all saw her in the back of Summer Walker’s cover she dropped. OMG. She reminds me of what I probably would’ve been like if my Grandparents had decided not to leave Georgia and kept the family down South 😂 So tying that in with the fact that I stayed pretty up to date on their videos, when I heard of the alleged cheating scandal, then the long break of no videos to now, the separation, I was still am but getting over it hurt. Mind you, this all happened within the last year. So, I’m seeing this play out as I'm struggling to go through the hardest part of my life. Watching Youtube videos is another way I like to escape. Not saying I went through the same situations she did but, I can relate to her pretty much doing a mental reset. Now I don't have the money she has but, I know that when the camera is off and she’s not all over socials, she’s probably dealing with the changes of life mentally, similarly to the way I am, so I sympathized and cried. That’s what led me here. Transparency. It wasn’t a little cute cry either. It’s amazing how things are revealed to you in ways you'd never imagine. I really was so excited to watch the video, I even went to Journey's to get Matcha!! I wasn’t expecting to have a revelation happen 😭 So, here I am, watching this video, so excited but it was also a bittersweet feeling. I could just see how she was happy with everything but you just know when you know. I can’t even try to continue explaining it lol. Watch the video if you’d like, yes I really love her whole life to be plugging her like this 😂😂 (https://youtu.be/mLEZNNqcnLc)

Y’all know I said I'm on the fence with astrology but this right here was just too coincidental. That picture at the beginning of the post? For some strange reason saved on my laptop as the date 1014 which I didn’t know was 10/14 today. I have lost track of the days, I just wake up and know I have something to do. I’m saying that because those 4 numbers, in that order are very important to me. So, I googled 1014 angel number meaning and found this, “Angel Number 1014 encourages progressive change, renewal, and growth, and tells you to share your knowledge and wisdom with others.” Thank you Meech 🤍

I always say this but, repetition is great for memory. I am so grateful I have this platform. I will tell you exactly what just happened. At the beginning of typing this, 30 minutes ago, I was crying and overwhelmed with emotions. I put in my old school headphones yes, I plug my headphones into my MacBook. Gives me more of a writer feel and turned on my cry playlist and gave you guys that. I am now sitting here smiling, calm, and ready to continue going through my day. I love that I’m constantly learning about myself. Everyday, I never fall short to amaze myself. Recently, I have handled situations in ways I would’ve never done. I love my growth. All of the up and downs moments are for a reason. I’m learning that you have to experience lows in life to figure out what doesn't work for you or what’s not meant to be at the time. Adjusting from a place of seeing that as a negative versus a positive is not for the weak I promise. Let’s just say, I am glad I am growing and progressing the way I am. Loving me. I hope you found some joy along this rollercoaster of emotions of a post today but, that’s what this is for right? My Journal? Lol, love you guys, finish the week strong. 🤍

“You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.” 🦋

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