if youโ€™ve seen this episode of catfish, hi letโ€™s be friends ๐Ÿค


No one told me that once you start moving away from your โ€œold selfโ€, one of the hardest battles youโ€™ll instantly start fighting is allowing fear and anxiety to rule your world. This is going to be quick, I promise.

Iโ€™ve taken some time away from here and honestly, Iโ€™m glad I did. If I wouldโ€™ve posted the last 13 writings I have saved from different moments over these last couple of months, you all would probably think, โ€œsomething is seriously wrong with her.โ€ I guess I can say, Iโ€™ve healed from a lot of the trauma Iโ€™ve shared on here and, understand that some things you canโ€™t put into words without giving context. Something I have no confidence in doing ๐Ÿ˜‚ What I didnโ€™t realize was that healing from one thing only leaves room for something new to come in andโ€ฆ do whatever. Thatโ€™s scary as hell. I am pushing myself to move out of this space I once called โ€œcomfortableโ€ because nothing was comfortable about it. Nothing was cozy about the way I was thinking, how I feeling, what I was doing. Got through that, cool. It wasnโ€™t easy though. Healing definitely is nowhere NEAR linear. Iโ€™m here now and with everything thatโ€™s come my way, I have wanted to run. On top of that, dealing with the anxiety of life in the sense that Iโ€™m trying to see things through โ€œa different lens ๐Ÿ˜ตโ€๐Ÿ’ซโ€ has been leaving me overwhelmed lol. So I guess Iโ€™m just putting this out there for one, help, and two, just to let whoever happens to read this know, if youโ€™ve felt the same way, youโ€™re not alone.

*Random: I am one who believes transparency can sometimes benefit your healing and growth process. It takes a lot to admit to yourself that you have no clue whatโ€™s going on or I really donโ€™t know how to handle this. Coming from someone who feels the need to constantly be a problem solver, this has been difficult. I know I have my guards up because thereโ€™s so much Iโ€™ve learned about myself in this last year. I put on a lot of armor and walls because the person I really am is the complete opposite of who I come off to be. Thatโ€™s no way to live, unfortunately. Looking back, I can see how this shell has robbed me of living and experiencing life. So, for 23 (yeah, the goatโ€™s birthday is in 18 days, itโ€™s a national holiday, take off of work!!) I want to work on just being. Jourdan doesnโ€™t want to be anxious anymore? AYOOOOOO!*

I hope this little read finds you all well and I hope you know youโ€™re loved! Have a great week โค๏ธ



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