What do you need right now more than anything?

When you find yourself in a slump, go back to your roots. Find those things that bring you comfort, a sense of stability, light in darkness… Yeah okay. I added these cards from a company called We’re Not Really Strangers to my list of go-to’s for when I’m trying to pull myself out of a place I’d rather not be. Tonight’s question was, “What do you need right now more than anything?” Crying. For someone to see me. For someone to see how hard I’ve been trying. From the outside looking in, I can see how it may not look like I’m here doing much. I’m fighting, every day. I’m not as open as I was a few months ago about the pain I’ve been facing lately. I feel like no one wants to constantly deal with someone who is complaining. Which is completely fine, I get it. Not everyone is built to handle issues and situations that go beyond the daily nonsense. My thing is, why do I help everyone through their dark days and I’m left here to fight battles alone? Why when I call someone in the middle of the night crying, I get no answer? What do I have to do for someone to come to my rescue? I honestly feel like I have to be near the brink of death to get some help. Now y’all are thinking, “you probably don’t ask for help” no, I do not. I am a Capricorn. That is not the point. Do you know how helpless and low I feel asking for help? I feel useless. Calling on someone because I don’t have it in me to help me kills me. So I don’t. Here, take this as my call. Sorry if I don’t respond this focus mode is deadly. I’ve had some heavy situations hit my plate lately. Complete curveballs. I’ve already started my isolation process cause one thing about making progress in this healing journey is now I know when I’m about to spiral lmao. Idk y’all, it just sucks. This sucks. I hate not having any sense of clarity about life and that’s just where I am right now. I don’t know. If I could have anything right now, the one thing I need in this world more than anything is peace of mind. Stillness. A moment to breathe. Is everything really going to be okay? Do I need to treat this like any other breakdown I’ve had? What are my do’s and dont’s? (I found a tiktok that literally is me right now: https://www.tiktok.com/@yourstruly247/video/7024168365312806150?sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=7024707753612740101&is_from_webapp=v1&is_copy_url=0) But enough for now. I am just rambling. I hope you guys have a very safe but fun-filled Halloween weekend. Take a few shots for me. 🤗

“Hey Siri, Play For Anyone by H.E.R.” 🤍

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