Okay… but seriously. Can I vent?
Am I going crazy? (No, but just roll with me) I have been experiencing HIGHS and LOWS for about the last… 3 weeks. These intense mental battles, the deep conversations I've been a part of (thank you ❤️), the breakdowns and breakthroughs, whew. I am blaming it ALL on the retrograde because I will not stress myself any more than I already am. All of that is just touching on what’s going on with me, personally. Not even talking about school and how close the end is but it seems so far away. I have a little less than 5 months left (do you guys remember when I was scared to go through this, look at me now 😇), and wow has it been a journey. I’m nearing my clinical externship for my program and… stress. NCCT exam coming up… stress. finishing out this program to the best of my ability? S T R E S S. My health hasn’t been the best… Stress. My body couldn't have picked a better time to develop severe allergies & asthma LMAO. Family things, friends taking hits, life is just stress. BUT! I’ve been stressed before. I’ve been here before. the difference is this time around, “I finally feel like I’m on my side”. Before, when I would find myself in these situations, I would be fighting against myself, putting myself down, and saying how I won’t make it through this, there’s no way but yet here I am. I’ve been working on changing my perspective on how I see myself because I know that this is something that is going to continue to happen for me. As the stresses of life come along, so will my anxiety, the intrusive thoughts, the highs and lows and I can’t afford to lose myself every time shit hits the fan. I have a lot of people who have been telling me how strong I am and all of these different qualities about myself that for years, I’ve seen as a front. For a while, it all was. I never believed in myself the way I do now and I still have a ways to go. A year ago, I was in such a dark space and I wasn’t equipped with the tools I have now to get myself through these dark “phases”. growth. I love that. As I re-read this for grammatical errors, I stopped and realized what I did there. It may not mean much to you but that was huge for me lol. I thank therapy (as always) for allowing me to see all of the beautiful attributes about myself because it’s honestly all I’ve needed to get me through these moments. So, thanks for listening to me complain a little bit. :)
It’s Mental Health Awareness Month and I just want to shed light on that because it’s something I care about so deeply. Please. Take care of your mental health. If you are unsure about what you’re feeling, or you’ve been having some uncomfortable thoughts, don’t hesitate to reach out to me, seriously. I don't care who you are. I will help you try to find the help you need because you don’t deserve to suffer. I hope you all take some time this month to really pour into yourself. Create some new habits that are based on self-care and self-love. You are never alone, I hope you know that always!
Thank you again for reading and I love you all. 🤍